I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
