she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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