We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize