Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
