we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sext me about skeletons
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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