I'm really into asian looking animals
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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