I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Boobs speak an international language.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
