Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
