it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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