the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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