i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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