im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
