he shaved USA in his pubs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
