so let's talk penis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
