he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize