she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
