yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
