so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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