he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
