Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
