textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
