Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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