I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize