Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
birth control should be required to get into college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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