I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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