I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You pole danced in your parka.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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