How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
