if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
