the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
