community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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