hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i came on her dog
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
