I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
