I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize