Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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