Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
