Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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