Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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