I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
