using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
