She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
