i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
