just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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