Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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