I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you win again, gameday.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
