I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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