You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
