i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
