I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
