Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
