Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
