so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
