my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
