It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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