chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need water and some morals
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
