I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
