he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
