I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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