That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
