What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
