Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
