you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think i have two assholes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
