Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
