matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
