yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
