Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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