I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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