i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
