I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
