Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
