I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
